i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
