Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
