hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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