Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
