I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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