Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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