and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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