Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You took a bar mat shot.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
