He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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