guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
