I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
