im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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