A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
