you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
