If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
