I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
