Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
