I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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