Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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