High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
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I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
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nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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