i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
