i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
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Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
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