All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
