So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
