I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
