That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
