There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
