if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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