He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You were trust falling into bushes
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
