Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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