he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
