I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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