Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
