In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
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So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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