What did we do last night that was yellow?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
