dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
