I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
