Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
