What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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