New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
