he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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