Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
