My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
where am i from again
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
