I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
