I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
