I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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