you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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