you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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