The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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