Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
