Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
