You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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