lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
