Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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