We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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