member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
