Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
