I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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