enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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