Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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