I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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