This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
