was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize