you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
