Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
we're so committed to being not committed
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
