She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
