He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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