I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
