you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
