He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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