He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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