He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
