She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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