He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
