so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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