you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
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I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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