On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
