She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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