I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
