Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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