you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she pinky promised me she was 18
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
